Emmett's Poem
by radiowavesandmicrowaves
Summary: It starts off with Emmett writing a simple, romantic - yes, very simple - poem to Rosalie on valentines day.


**Emmett's Poem By OliviasFiction-**

**Remember To Check Out My Other Stories And My Faves, There All Really Good Writers!**

**Disclaimer - All Characters Are Owned By Stephenie Meyer and I Can't Say There Mine, Damn!**

**Valentines day in the Cullen house hold.**

**Note - I'm not retarded, this is Emmett's letter.**

Deer Rose,

You ar my sunsine, my only sunsine,  
you make mie happie wen skyies ar grey,  
wif your lovely hare to your amazing figer,  
you make me feal like the lukiest guye in the worlde,  
fank you fore beying you.

one moure thing,

If I sed I don't luve you, that wuld be tru If I sed I don't need you, that wuld be tru If I sed I don't want you, that wuld be tru

I don't luve you becuse I sed so, the only reson would be because I luve you so much it hurts, I don't need you becuse I sed so, the only reson would be because I need you so much it hurts,  
I don't want you becuse I sed so, the only reson would be because I have you.

Luve you lots,-

"Esme, how do you spell Emmett?" Emmett asked Esme, actually wanting to know, not winding Esme up. Esme smiled at her sons efforts and then answered "E-M-M-E-T-T" Clearly so that he could spell it perfectly. He let out a relieved sigh, like a girl getting the perfect dress and it looking perfect too.

"There, all done!" Emmett shouted clapping his hands together like a 5 year old, making deafening booming sounds as they ricocheted together.

"Do you think she'll like it, Esme?" Emmett asked, looking into Esme's warm eyes, to see if she could answer without laughing. She inhaled trying to conceal the worst of her laughter, and breathed out,

"Yes dear, she'll... love it."

---EDWARD, ALICE AND JASPER ENTER---

"Hey Emmett." Alice, Jasper and Edward said together, inconspicuously.

Emmett POV.

Stupid talented ones. God I hate it when they have their 'special conversations', it does my head in.

"Hey guys, have fun shopping?" I asked, magical unicorn informed me they went shopping. I'd forgot.

"We went the library, Emmett." Alice scowled, looking at me as if I was a complete dumb ass, phah, me stupid, that's impossible! Isn't it magical unicorn? Magical Unicorn?

"Emmett, there's no such thing as magical unicorns, there may be Vampires and werewolves, but there's no such thing as magical unicorns." Edward moaned at me, he's so depressing, why doesn't he just ask out that Bella girl? She's quite fit, but I wouldn't ask her out, she's not my type, is she magical unicorn?

"Emmett, shut up!"

"Why, why should I shut up, hey wait I didn't even say anything you fucking moron." I said, retal-, no, retaliate- no, what ever retaliate or somethinged.

'Prince Emmett? It's retaliated.' Magical Unicorn said, ah what would I do with out you magical unicorn? 'You'd be hopeless prince Emmett.' Magical Unicorn replied, smiling as always.  
Thanks Magical Unicorn.

"EMMETT SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Edward roared at me. I hate it when he does that, only because I have a creative mind. STUPID TALENTED ONES.

"Hey what's that in your hand Emmett?" Jasper asked me, first time he'd spoke to me since the 'incident'. I don't want to talk about it.

"Nothing, just nothing." I replied, non-chalont? Challot? Chantelle? I don't know.

"Challont Emmett." Edward said, rolling his eyes. Stupid know-it-all. Hey, wer'd Alice go?

"Yoink!" Alice said, as she stole my note for Rosalie. God damn it. Hey they might think I'm clever after reading that...

"Hahaha" They all cried, in fits of laughter. Arg, stupid know it alls!

'Prince Emmett calm down!' Magical Unicorn cried. Breathe Emmett breathe, we don't want a repeat of the 'incident'.

"Emmett, you fucking retard, you've spelt almost EVERYTHING wrong! Look you've spelt luckiest, L-U-K-Y-E-S-T, hahaha!" Edward cried, I swear I'm gunna punch the smart out of Edward one day.

'Prince Emmett...' Magical Unicorn warned, telling me not to get angry. Breathe in, breathe out.

"Shut up you fucking paedo, go watch Bella sleep, it's gross you're like 107 and she's 17. That's just disgusting!" I said, haha, lets see him cry now.

"Shut up Emmett, you can't even spell." Edward said, trying to make me feel intimidai- no, intime- no, intimidated. Yes, intimidated.

"Jog on Eddy."

"HMPFF." And with that he ran off to his bedroom like a stroppy little girl that he is.

'Nice one, prince Emmett.' Magical Unicorn smiled.

---- A Bit later ----

Narrator POV

Rosalie walked into the room, Emmett, Edward and Alice are no where to be seen. Edward's probably watching Bella sleep again, perv. (Only joking, we love you Edward!)

"Hey Esme." Rosalie said, looking around the room for something to say other than 'Hi'.

"Good afternoon Rose." Esme replied, a shining smile on her perfect vampire face. Damn we wish we were as pretty as those girls in that house...

"So, what's been happening whilst I've been shopping?" Rosalie asked, searching the room for someone else other than Esme and silent and creepy Jasper.

"Just another family feud between Edward and Emmett, the usual. Oh yer, this is off Emmett for you." Esme said, handing the piece of paper over to Rosalie. Jasper gave me a funny look. Fuck off Jasper.

"Yes mistress." Jasper replied, lifting his head from his book. Good little Jasper.

Rosalie read the note.

"Oh dear, this is... lovely... isn't it Esme?" Rosalie said, breaking the ice after 10 minutes of well unappreciated silence.

"Not really." Esme and Jasper replied in sinq.

"Where's Emmett? I want to thank him for this..." Rosalie asked.

"Thank him, I'd be shouting at Carlisle for being so stupid." Esme laughed, wow, I've made her bitchy. About time too.

"Jasper, where's Emmett?" Rosalie asked, faking a smile.

"STOP BEING SO FUCKING FAKE ROSE."

"STOP BEING SUCH A PRICK JAZZ."

**"STOP BEING LITTLE GAYS."**

"Yes Mistress." Good Rose and Jazz.

**"Oh, Rosalie, he's out front by the big rock."**

"Thanks Mistress."

**"No problem."**

Rosalie walks out of the room, thinking about why he'd ripped half of it off her Myspace page. Is he really that dumb?

When she walked out side he was astonished.

Emmett POV.

"Hey big Grey rock, Edward thinks I'm stupid, am I stupid, big Grey rock?" I asked the big Grey rock. Oh, he's so wise.

'Yes Emmett, you are really dumb.' The big Grey rock replied. Well if that's how it's going to go down then...

"Shut up you stupid Grey rock, you're just a stupid Grey rock, you just sit there, doing nothing. Stupid Grey rock!" I shouted at the Grey rock. I hate you.

'Boo you hoe bag.'

"You've done it now stupid big Grey rock." I said, and I kicked it in the stones. Oh, that's gunna hurt for him in the morning.

Narrator POV

Oh my god he's such a dumb ass isn't he?

"Oh my god, what is he doing?" Rosalie asked herself.

Esme and Carlisle stepped out of the house behind her and both placed a hand on each of her shoulders.

"Hey magical book that won't let me read it, do you think I'm stupid?" Emmett asked into thin air. What the fuck Emmett?

"Hey, don't walk away when I'm talking to you!" Emmett yelled into thin air. What was he doing? At least they were in privet.

"Did he hit his head when he was a human or something? Was he dyslexic or something? Please, what happened Carlisle? Did he hit his head?"

"No, he's just retarded."

**"WELL WE WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED THAT ESME, WOULD WE?"**

"Sorry Mistress."

**"GOOD LITTLE VAMPIRE. NOW GO SLAP ALICE SILLY FOR ME."**

"Yes Mistress."

**"AND CARLISLE, GO TELL EMMETT HE'S A RETARD AND MAKE HIM CRY, MU-HAHAHA-MU-HAHAHA!!"**

"Yes Mistress."

**"ROSALIE, GO WALK OUT INTO SUNLIGHT IN THE SHOPPING CENTER, AND TAKE JASPER INTO MACYS, SEE WHETHER HE'LL GO PSYCHO AND MURDER EVERYONE, AS FOR EDWARD LEAVE HIM WITH ME..."**

**--- The End ---**


End file.
